How to Reconnect with Hope and Find Peace During the COVID-19 Pandemic

We’re now in our sixth week of the shelter-in-place program designed to flatten the curve of COVID-19, and it’s getting old.

And now Deborah Birx, the White House Coronavirus Response Coordinator, tells us that “Social distancing will be with us through the summer”. It’s hard to hold on to hope and be optimistic with the specter of four more months of social distancing ahead. Many of us are experiencing at least some periods of frustration, anger, depression and anxiety about the future.

Frustration

There’s a lack of control over so many things in your life right now—where you can go, who you can see, what’s available in the grocery store—that can easily lead to frustration. And prolonged frustration can lead to…

Anger

When we feel a lack of agency in our lives, especially in areas in which we are used to having control, we can become angry. The anger might be specific, “I’m so mad I can’t go to the beach on this beautiful Saturday”, or it might feel more diffuse, as if you are just angry about everything. It can be difficult to avoid taking your anger out on those who are quarantined with you, like your roommate or your partner. Or maybe they are taking their anger out on you.

Depression

Being stuck at home, not being able to get fresh air and exercise without making considerable adaptations, and not knowing when it’s all going to end, can lead to feeling hopeless and depressed. It might not feel like depression, it might just feel like you are tired and there doesn’t seem to be any reason to get out of bed. Or you might not feel like eating or doing the things that you usually enjoy. The opposite can also be signs of depression—eating too much or not sleeping enough.

Anxiety

Anxiety is already a huge factor in modern-day life, but now there are even more reasons to be anxious. We are worried about the big things—"Will I lose my job?”, “Will my loved ones get sick?” And we are worried about the smaller things—“Where am I going to get more toilet paper?” Nothing seems certain, and there is little we can do to feel any sense of agency over the big picture.

If you would like to learn about stress management, read: Anxiety Therapy

Health Issues

Frustration, anger, depression, and anxiety can all lead to physical symptoms as well. Many of my clients are experiencing tension headaches, stomachaches and back/neck pain. Almost everyone seems to be experiencing some kind of sleep disturbance, which just makes all of the above feelings even harder to manage. For more on how to get better sleep, read this article. Getting a good night’s sleep is one of the best things you can do to improve your mood.

Lack of Social Support

The Social Distancing mandate means that it is difficult to access our social network for the support that we would normally get to help us deal with frustration, anger, depression and anxiety. Before COVID-19, if we were feeling stressed or depressed we might go out with a friend or get a much-needed hug. Now we are not even able to get that much.

People who are gregarious are feeling trapped and frustrated. Zoom happy hours and Netflix parties can only go so far. We need actual in-person face-to-face. Humans are social animals, and we need to be able to gather IRL.

People who are more introverted may be enjoying the decreased pressure for social engagement, but many have become uncomfortably isolated as they are not getting their usual in-person connections from work or the gym, and don’t have the support of a strong Zoom network. 

How Can We Manage Our Moods In the Midst of Shelter-in-Place?

1.Structure

You may have noticed that all the days are starting to blend together. Did you watch that show yesterday, or was it on Tuesday? Wait, is it Friday today? Or Thursday?

The first thing that helps is to have some kind of structure to your day. Get up at a regular time, eat at a regular time, exercise at a regular time, etc.

Have a distinct way to mark the end of your workday.

It’s so easy for the workday to bleed into the evening. Do something like go for a walk or a jog, sit on your patio with a glass of wine, or call a different friend each evening to mark the end of work and the beginning of personal time.

Find something different to do each day of the week. Monday do yoga, Tuesday call family, Wednesday have a Zoom happy hour, etc.

2.Balance

What are the different things that are important to you to keep up? Not just work/life balance, but also time connecting to friends and family, time to exercise, time to read a book or do something relaxing that’s not in front of a screen. For ways to help yourself limit your time on social media, read this article.

If you are neglecting an area of your life that’s important to you, get out your calendar and schedule it in.

3.Social Connection

Social Distancing may be preventing you from seeing your friends and family in person, but you can still connect on the phone or on video. Resist the urge to simply connect via text. It will leave you feeling unsatisfied in the end. Many people are so unused to talking on the phone these days—but it’s worth practicing! If you are more comfortable when you can see someone’s face, there are plenty of ways to do that as well.

Don’t worry that you are bothering someone!!! The chances are MUCH greater that you will be doing a favor by reaching out to someone who is lonely and would love to talk! Remember, they don’t have to pick up the phone if they don’t want to.

4.Reach Out

Studies show that volunteering to help others reliably lifts your mood. Especially if you aren’t able to connect regularly with friends and family, see if you can find a way to help someone who is lonely or in need of your help.

You can do this virtually by joining an online group and offering helpful advice, or IRL by doing something for a neighbor or friend. Some of the things my clients have done are: bake cookies for the neighbors and leave them on the doorstep, grocery shop for elderly neighbors, and even play music on their front porch so that others can listen/join in (from a safe distance, natch).

5.Be Easy On Yourself

There are a lot of people who are front and center on social media talking all about how they are cleaning out all their closets or learning a new language. This can be daunting if you are having the kind of day (week? month?) where it’s a victory just to have a meal that isn’t cereal.

Maybe the most useful thing to learn during this COVID-19 Social Distancing plan is self-acceptance. If you are worried that you aren’t doing enough, do this—accept yourself. It’s way harder than learning another language.

If You Are Experiencing Social-Distancing Depression, Online Therapy Can Help!

I have been offering Online Mental Health Counseling for years, and I find that it is effective for anxiety therapy, depression therapy, relationship issues, family issues, self-esteem issues, and even couples counseling. We can meet on the phone or via video chat; I use a secure, HIPAA-compliant video platform—no Zoom-bombing!

Learn more about Online Therapy.

If you think you might be interested in online therapy, just give me a call at 323-999-1537, or shoot me an email at amy@thrivetherapyla.com, to set up your FREE phone or video consultation. I am usually able to respond within hours. I look forward to talking to you soon!