Life in the Time of Covid-19 (and Beyond!), Part One: Reflecting on the Wins of 2020

I have seen some interesting trends these past 9 months of covid-19. As a therapist, I have noted the collective movements, feelings, and new understandings that we have been experiencing, especially here in Los Angeles where the rates have been high, and we have had two separate “covid-lockdowns”. As an individual, I have personally experienced these feelings and realizations, and I believe that I and everyone I know has been forever changed by this experience. We have gained a window into our own value system, our own behavior under prolonged stress, and the state of our relationships.

Of course, after covid-19 is no longer an imminent life-threat, most of us will go back to doing things much the way we did them before. But some things will have changed. And hopefully the things that change are some of the things that matter most. Now, as we are all thinking about the promise of a new year, it’s a great time to think about what we have learned during this time, and what changes we would like to take with us into the “new normal”.

 1.Work

The first thing many people experienced in their work was the move to work-from-home. Initially this was a welcome change for everyone I know. No frustrating commute! More sleep! Home and done with work earlier in the day! No incessant interruptions from that annoying coworker who never shuts up! I can walk the dog in the middle of the day! (And pet her any time I want!)

Quite a few of my clients had already begged for the ability to work from home and been outright refused by their boss, on the grounds that it could never be effective. Those days are over forever.

But then things started to change…

Not only were we feeling isolated and missing friends, many of us were missing the face-to-face interaction with our co-workers. We were sleeping in, and wearing pajamas to work all day. At first we wore nice shirts for video conferencing, but as time wore on everyone became more and more casual. Makeup, hair, everything became less important. Sweatpants and slippers were in high demand on internet stores. And we began to notice that when we made less of an effort to get ready for work, sometimes we were less ready.

The lesson from covid-19 about work is to question ourselves: “What works for us?”

How do we want to get ready for our day?

Do we want to start our day with a little workout or a stretch? Or a healthy breakfast? That excuse of not having enough time is much less plausible these days…

There is much less of a “work uniform” these days so we can ask ourselves, what feels right to us? What feels comfortable and also puts us in the right mood to work?

What kind of work hours make sense for us?

There is a lot more flexibility when we are working from home. A lot of my clients have found that they love taking a significant break in the middle of the day to enjoy the sunshine in the short window available these winter days, even if they have to start earlier or work later. Work from home gives us this flexibility.

Some people like to start work, then take some time in the morning to work out before returning to their workday.

And how do we signal a distinct end of the workday and a beginning of “home time” when work and home are the same place?

We have a lot more flexibility when we work from home, and it makes sense to take some time to figure out what works best for our own biorhythms and energy levels. Even if we will eventually return to working from an office, it can only help to be aware of the conditions under which we work the best. It’s hard to imagine that when we return to working in offices, there won’t be more flexibility than there was before covid-19. Be ready to take advantage of it!

2.Friends

Many of us realized that in the past we just haven’t had time for developing a lot of friendships while working, commuting, and taking care of the business of our lives. This has been a year where we really feel that lack.

Some of us realize how much we actually depended on work to provide the human interaction we all need in our lives. Conversations with colleagues and clients were important to our mental health, and it’s just not the same on Zoom.

2020 has been a year to reassess what role we want friends and family to play in our lives, and how much attention we are willing to give to nurture those relationships that we may have let slip in the past.

In 2021, do we want to reach out more often to friends and family? Do we want to spend time exploring new activities where we can meet new people? Do we want to make more of an effort to build more personal relationships with people at work? Take some time to think about what might work for you in 2021.

3.Simple Pleasures

Personally, I miss the simple pleasure of brand-name toilet paper, but that is not what I am referring to here. I am talking about the simple pleasures of drinking a steaming coffee on the porch in the morning before beginning work, the simple pleasure of a brief chat with a neighbor while out walking the dog, the simple pleasure of a well-organized home. As many of our usual pleasures like parties, going to the gym, dinner out with friends, and - for some of us - spending holidays with family, became no longer accessible, we learned to appreciate some of the very small things. Some of my favorite simple pleasures are listed above; what are yours? What are the ones you want to be sure to still notice when life gets back to a more hectic pace? Take some time to make an explicit commitment to continue to notice some specific simple pleasures throughout 2021.

When I was a teenager I led canoe trips on the rivers of Michigan, where I grew up. It often rained during the trips, and I frequently spent days and nights being wet and cold when I loaned my dry clothing to people who hadn’t listened to my instructions about how to pack to stay dry. In the 40 years since then I have never stopped appreciating clean, dry sheets and a comfortable bed. Every single night when I climb into bed I get a little happy feeling. Simple as that is, I think it’s a lovely way to end my day!

4.The Outdoors

It used to be that “the outdoors” implied going to the wilderness, or being on some great camping, rafting, mountain climbing adventure. These days it refers to anything involving sunshine and fresh air. As in, “Since I was working from home all day, I totally forgot to go outdoors at all”. It’s so easy to do! I still live two blocks from an office I don’t go to. I have begun to realize how important it was for my mental health to walk back and forth to my office several times a day. The exercise didn’t amount to much, but the fresh air and sunshine did a lot to improve my mental health. Now there are days when I could easily stay inside working all day long and I know I need to make a real effort to plan some outside time into my day.

5.Self-compassion

One thing most of us have learned is that when we are in the middle of a global pandemic, we need to lower the bar on our expectations for ourselves.

Even though we are working from home, we may not be as productive as we usually are, or as we would hope.

Maybe we are spending more time watching Netflix, or surfing the web, or checking Instagram than we would like to be—and there are certainly techniques to help us change this behavior—but if we don’t have the psychic energy to make those changes right now, that’s quite all right.

Maybe we are working out less, or eating worse—even though we have more time to cook and check out Yoga with Adriene (which I highly recommend, by the way. Her yoga videos are very accessible and her bright personality is always uplifting. Plus she is a big fan of self-compassion!) If some of your personal health habits have taken a dive, don’t despair. These are unusual times! If you’d like to start or get back to a new healthy habit that’s great. If not, trust that you will do so when you aren’t also carrying the psychic load of a global pandemic on your shoulders.

6.A Pleasing Space to Live and Work

Back in April it seemed like just about everyone was Marie Kondo-ing the heck out of their houses and apartments. Eventually we ran out of un-tidy areas or the enthusiasm to keep on cleaning and organizing. Either way, we couldn’t help realizing how much peace-of-mind we can gain from having a neat and organized space.

For some of my clients, the idea of organizing was overwhelming. They were spending all day in very cluttered home offices, and it was affecting their productivity and their mood. We found a simple solution of boxes for each category. No need to organize all your receipts, just throw them in a box and if you need one you can dig through them then. No need to file all your papers from this or that project, just have a box for each one and dump all the corresponding paperwork into each one. Voila! Organized!

7.Being Present

When you are working from home, being present in the current moment is critical to your mental health! Otherwise, you find yourself thinking about work when you are “off” and thinking about cleaning the kitchen or getting the heater repaired while you are “at work”. It never ends; there is always something to think or worry about.

Being present in the moment is the antidote to the stress of feeling overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done.

Do. One. Thing. At. a. Time. It’s the only way anything ever actually gets done, really.

You can get better at being present by practicing mindful meditation, or by doing a mindful activity every day. I talk more about this in the third blog post in this series, 3 Ways to Be Resilient in the Middle of a Global Pandemic.

When I realize that I have spent the last few days in a fog, and I can’t even remember what I did since last Tuesday, I know it is time to renew my efforts to be mindful!

8.The Holidays

This was a lesson I actually learned pre-pandemic, when a family crisis last year prevented us from having all the usual fol-de-rol that surrounds our family Christmas. I am seeing family after family go through this adjustment this year, as the rules and restrictions imposed by covid-19 cause us to re-evaluate how we want to spend our holidays.

Besides the fact that most people have far less money to spend on holiday gifts this year, people also have less energy and need to prioritize the various ways they celebrate the holidays- whether it’s Hannukah, Christmas, Kwanza, or any other celebration.

Now is an excellent time to re-arrange your holiday celebration to reflect your actual priorities. If you truly care most about family, tradition, spirituality, etc., maybe it isn’t so important that all the gifts are perfectly wrapped, that the dinner is exceptionally lavish, or that the house is spotlessly clean. Think about what’s important to you, and put your energy there this year. Nobody has any extra energy to spare these days—so make yours count!

The end of the year is an excellent time to reflect on what happened in the past year, and what you would like to be different in the coming year.

Check out the other 3 blog posts in this series that will each help you with some aspect of creating the best 2021 ever!

Understanding Your Emotions During the Covid Pandemic: Why You Might Feel Angry and Depressed This Holiday Season

3 Ways to be Resilient in 2021: Lessons Learned from Alaskan Sled Dogs

A New Beginning in 2021: How to Make Resolutions That Stick in an Age of Uncertainty

Could You Use Some Extra Help Sorting Through All the Feelings About Your Life, Covid-19, the Holiday Season, and the New Year?

 Therapy can be a great way to clarify what you want, set you on the right path, and give you the tools to reach your goals. Give me a call at 323-999-1537 or shoot me an email at amy@thrivetherapyla.com to set up your FREE consultation where we can talk about your specific needs and how I can help. I want you to have the best 2021 ever!